Feelings

I'm sad today...

A tad emotional...

Shedding some tears of joy...

Feeling a little self pity...

I don't like feeling self pity!

I've mentioned this in other blogs...I blog to save me money on visiting a therapist.

So, why am I sad, emotional, tearful with joy and feeling self pity? Well, there's so much going on right now that is affecting me to feel this way. Let me get the sad one out of the way.

I unintentionally hurt a friend's feelings. She feels taken advantage of and used and although I did not set out to hurt her, her feelings were legit. I apologized profusely, but she has decided to not only not accept my apologies, she purposefully hurt me back by doing something I would ground my daughter if she did to one of her friends. The sad thing about all of this is I'm so worried about this friend. She has never in the 16 years we've been pals done anything like what she did. On the contrary, she has been a very loving, giving friend...so I'm sad that my forgetfulness and just plain stupidity has most likely ended this friendship. :'(

The emotional...

It's Great Strides season and I always get emotional during this time of year. It's a lot of work to fundraise on top of everything else that still needs to get done. It's an emotional roller coaster ride, as I get emotional over acquaintances, family and friends going out of their way to support us, support Andrea. They shower us with love by donating money, their time, their talent. It's just a feeling that puts me at awe; and although I know they're doing it because they want to and not for anything in return, I just feel like I could never repay them for their generosity.

I have some family health concerns going on that I can't help with because they are so far away. I always get very emotional when I can't assist my loved ones that have done so much for me over the years.

I scolded Andrea today for staying up way too late and not doing her morning treatments 100% as they should be done. This is the biggest emotional setter for me. I end up feeling guilty for scolding a kid—that in comparison to a lot of kids her age—she's doing a fabulous job in taking care of herself. AND I feel super guilty because I scold her about her health regimen while I'm not doing the best I can for myself. Look who's calling the kettle black. UGH!

Tears of joy...

Yesterday was a huge day in the CF world as Tommy Danger, a CF supporter extraordinaire, finished his goal of running across the USA in order to promote CF awareness via his More Than Just Miles campaign. This young man ran 3200 miles across 16 States, finishing yesterday by running 100 miles in 24 hours to reach the finish line in Daytona, FL. Some of my CF mama friends were there (insert jealous feelings here) and were kind to share photos and videos of the event. As I watched Tommy arrive at his final destination, I couldn't help but cry. I mean, come on...Tommy doesn't have a child with CF. His siblings don't have it, nor cousins, uncles or aunts. His best friends have a child who has CF and this is why he did this and...he's not done. He wants to raise ONE MILLION dollars by doing other extraordinary things over the next few years! He's doing this in honor of little Ethan and all CFers world wide and in memory of those beautiful angels we've lost along the way.

My sister is having a fundraiser today that I wanted so badly to be there for. It's a smaller type of event but it's being done with so much love and excitement. I talked with her just a bit ago while the party was going on and she sounded so happy. She set her Great Strides fundraising goal to $2,000 this year. I know how much work is entailed in fundraising, and she's a single mom! How could I not shed tears of joy over all she does for her "peanut"; aka Andrea. :)

Self pity...

For the past 14 months I've been dealing with foot pain on my right heel area. After months of seeing doctors and being diagnosed with several things, the main one being chronic plantar fasciitis, a third doctor discovered that I also had a stress fracture on the heel. I've worn a boot for 8 weeks, met with therapists, had treatments done with no alleviation, and now am on crutches and just finally starting to feel like I may be on the mend. Maybe. And the self pity has just recently set in and I hate it. I feel so nervy for feeling this way when others, like my daughter, endure their ailments everyday of the year, with minimal complaints. I'm working hard at ending this feeling. I have great days and not so great days.

So there you have it! My reasons for feeling how I've been feeling. I'm sure I could write more, but I won't. Some have actually heard me express some of these feelings out-loud and I thank you for listening and sharing your advice with me. I ultimately know I'm a strong person and will be fine because I'm surrounded by so much love; and nothing but great things can come when one is showered with love!

Get over it - there's too much love going around!