Empathy Overload

I shared on Facebook that I’ve had a bit of a sit back in regards to how I’m handling CF. It seems to happen any time I get sick. I’m coughing, hacking, expectorating and wishing it were done and over with. That’s when the sadness sets in.

I went to the doctor to get things checked out and was given a shot to calm down all the inflammation in my throat and I’m starting to feel better physically. Emotionally, I’m a wreck.

You see, when I’m sick all I can do is look forward to getting better. Then I think about my Andrea and my emotions run wild. I feel sad that she has to do so much to keep her lungs healthy EVERY SINGLE DAY. I moan during my two-week ordeal and then get better. CFers don’t get that luxury. They do all this stuff to stay better, but eventually get worse. How cruel is that? Way cruel!

I feel proud of my girl….her fight against this ugly disease and she does it with such grace. I sat in her room the other day and told her this, with tears running down my face. I told her how pathetic I felt that I complain about my colds, when she goes months with out a complaint about all the CF stuff she has to do. Of course, my sweet angel, consoled me and told me all would be fine. I cried more.

I work hard to handle CF in the most positive, productive way. I wake up with feelings of gratitude for all that we have and that I still have my girlie despite the death sentence CF has bestowed. I don’t allow that sentence to hang over my head. It wouldn’t be living if I did, but some days are harder than others and I falter for a moment (or two).

When I falter due to empathy overload, I start to feel sorry for myself. Yes,  I’m feeling sad with thoughts of all Andrea has to endure, but I’m also so overly emotional that I start feeling sad about how it all affects me. That pesky ego sneaks in and I don’t handle that well. I don’t want to feel sorry for me.

So family and friends came to the rescue. I asked for a pick-me-up and got it with wonderful posts, texts and messages sent my way. I got some pretty-funny, dirty jokes that truly made me laugh out loud. 

I asked for some help and I got it. I’m feeling better and ready for the new week. Thanks to all the lovies in my life that helped me snap out of my funk. You are ALL unbelievably WONDERFUL. Thank you!

Oh and FUCF!