Thursday, November 1, 2012

Hate exists because so does LOVE.

I’m blogging in response to another blog. Not that this response was wanted but isn’t that what blogging is all about, to put out ‘there’ what we want to express?

So fellow fibro Ronnie Sharpe blogged this week regarding being blessed with CF. I actually don’t have a problem with him and his wife Mandi feeling that way about CF. If they feel blessed with this disease and it helps them lead a good life believing that…by all means, believe that. However, he then wrote the following…

“Mandi doesn't hate CF + I am CF = Mandi doesn't hate me”
…"I really feel for the people out there who hate CF. I really, really feel for the kids out there who's parents vocalize how much they hate CF. You know what that says to some kids? That you hate them."

So there are a couple of things going on here:

1. Notice that he put SOME kids? Which is a good thing because I believe MANY kids do not feel this way at all when they hear their parents say they hate CF. Mine is one of them, because—although I don’t say it daily, weekly, even monthly—I do hate CF and I have stated that vocally and in written form.

Hating CF is one thing…harboring that hatred is another. I go about most of my days not hating it. I couldn’t imagine feeling hatred every single day. That would tear me up and make me no good to my husband, my children, my family and friends and mostly no good to myself. I rather focus on LOVE. Loving that despite CF Andrea is healthy, we’re able to provide for her needs and we’re able to fight towards finding a cure. Love is what makes me do these things not hate.

During the moments I feel hate, I usually blog about it to get it out of my system so I can get back to focusing on life in a more positive way.  But CF rears it’s ugly head some days and slaps me hard across the face. It sometimes punches me in the gut. It’s days like the one we had last week where the docs called to say Andrea’s considered colonized with pseudomonas, she’ll have to go on TOBI indefinitely and they’re going to sedate her with gas/anesthesia and perform a bronchoscopy. It’s days like the one a few years ago, when I listened to a dad tell me the struggles his daughter went through with CF and ultimately held her in his arms as he watched her take her last breath. It’s days like those that make me say I HATE CF!

I also am thankful of some great things that have come our way because of CF. I’ve met wonderful people because of it, we’ve done wonderful things because of it; in the way of promoting awareness, raising funds, being a shoulder for one to cry on when they’re hating CF and much more. It makes me feel proud at how well Andrea handled last weeks news and how courageous she was to bring her boyfriend along to the doctor’s visit so she can get questions answered and he can learn what all she has to endure in order to survive.

You see there are always two sides to everything and in the case of CF there’s a good (love) and a bad (hate) side. The struggle for some is figuring out how to focus on the good and when you start to lean towards the bad, figure a way to get out of the funk and move on. It's really a must!

2. The--I am CF--is true, but it’s not just solely that. Yes Ronnie and my daughter Andrea were born with CF but they were also born with brown or blue eyes, short or tall, brown or blonde hair, etc.  There are many things we’re born with that make us who were are. CF alone is not the one defining factor in who they are. It’s only part of who they are. Of course then you have to add the environment someone is born into, family, friends, acquaintances, teachers, co-workers, religion or none, etc. All these things together shape us into who we are. So I would much rather hear/read I am Andrea and I have blue eyes, blonde hair and CF; or my mathematically equation would read like this:
Susie hates CF + Susie loves Andrea who has CF  =
Together we’ll kick some CF booty! J

People have the right to express their opinion just as Ronnie and Mandi do and may I add; they do it quite well. However, there are differences of opinions and in this case we differ. I do not believe that stating you hate CF means you hate the person that has CF. If a child does feel that way there is work to be done by those parents to change that. We should strive to focus on the positive things life brings us, so saying you hate CF excessively is not healthy. And I definitely know a lot of families that have children with CF, whose parents state they hate it sometimes and those kids are strong, loving, courageous fighters and know the difference between mom or dad hating CF and loving them.


  1. I agree. I hate CF. And I LOVE my daughter. I LOVE my daughter a million times more than I hate CF. But I still hate it. I met you because of CF, and Kelly and so many other incredible people. In fact, when I think about the people in my life who are the strongest, bravest, and most wonderful, it's those affected by CF. The moms and dads and kids. There are blessings within CF, but I don't think CF is a blessing. I love the quote, "When life gives you lemons, just add vodka." CF is the lemon, all the wonderful people thrown into it, that make it tolerable and beautiful are vodka.

  2. Thanks for the response post mama!! As you stated, everyone is different. Just as you feel that Andrea isn't negatively impacted by your vocalization of your hate for CF, I can list off 100's of CFers I've personally met that felt "ashamed" to have a disease that their parent's despised. They felt less than.

    I also do not believe that stating you hate CF means that you hate the person with CF. Just as stating that CF is a blessing doesn't mean that I enjoy every part of it or wish it wasn't out of my body. My point is this - what's said by a parent and what's heard by a child are often from completely different worlds.

    Anywho, great blog!!